To blog or not to blog in Shakespearean dialect, that is the question which preoccupies my mind at this early hour of Talk Like Shakespeare Day, as proclaimed by King Daley II to commemorate the Bard’s 445th birthday throughout Chicagoland.

‘Tis a simple answer, really: Of course I shall!

‘Tis my greatest desire not to embarrass the noble professor who instilled a semester’s worth of Shakespeare into my collegiate mind during a year now long past. Surely a thrill went up his leg when he heard the king’s proclamation! Thus I shall doeth my best to channel my inner bard with the words that draweth from my pen, er, computer keyboard, as I enter this brave new world of Shakespearean speak. Indeed, the game is afoot!

Methinks it is a foregone conclusion that an old collegiate acquaintance, whom I shall refer to as K.C., will not be participating in this wondrous celebration. K.C. felt a semester’s worth of Shakespeare lasted forever and a day, and thus played the Bad Examples song “Every Poet Wants to Murder Shakespeare” often during his campus radio broadcasts. He believed revenge was a dish best served cold over the airwaves.

For those who shall participate in Talk Like Shakespeare Day, the Chicago Shakespeare Theater provideth the following tips:

  1. Instead of you, say thou. Instead of y’all, say thee.
  2. Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
  3. Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
  4. Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back’d toads.
  5. Don’t waste time saying “it,” just use the letter “t” (’tis, t’will, I’ll do’t).
  6. Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
  7. When in doubt, add the letters “eth” to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
  8. To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
  9. When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer’s day. If that fails, say “Get thee to a nunnery!”
  10. When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.

Have fun talking like Shakespeare! And let us hope to see King Daley II dressed in proper Shakespearean attire during a City Hall news conference. Surely His Majesty wishes to look the part as he cries havoc and lets slip the dogs of war against the media and those opposed to the 2016 Olympics being held in Chicago.

That is all, for now. For all’s well that ends well — even concerning this blog post.

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